I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
