just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
