Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
