Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
