I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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