Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think my nap took me to another dimension
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
