4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
