is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize