She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
