I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
