Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
