my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
