just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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