We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
