you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
