I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
