I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
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