I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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