is wine microwaveable?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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