Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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