come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
