Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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