we're chasing vodka with high fives
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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