oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
