I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
