Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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