you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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