i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
