He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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