My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
