i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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