Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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