If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
