Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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