im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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