You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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