i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
