Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
