five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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