So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
