if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
