dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
