I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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