yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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