Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
