I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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