I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
