I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
