Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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