I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
