If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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