he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
