Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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