there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
