Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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