Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
