So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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