I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize