Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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