I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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