i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
