Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
