I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
