She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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