Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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