I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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