i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
