doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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