I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
