Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
