I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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