bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
