If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
