Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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