who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
