You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
