I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
